SMACKDOWN!

When I started this blog I promised myself that I’d be more off the cuff and less professional in my tone. Well, other then the occasional Larry Brown or Allen Iverson slam, that really hasn’t happened as of yet. So today I’m going to abandon the factual jargon and type some smack for once.

(You’ll have to forgive me if I include some stats. Sometimes I just can’t help myself.)

- What is it with all these European players complaining all of a sudden?

>Pau Gasol requests a trade after missing 23 games with a broken left foot because his team was losing?

Huh?

Come again?

Memphis had made the playoffs in each of the previous three seasons for cripes sake!

News flash for ya buddy ….. your club was losing because YOU were out.

Plus, where does a “star” player like Gasol get off complaining about anything when he’s 0-12 in the playoffs?

SHUT UP AND WIN A PLAYOFF GAME ALREADY PAU!

>Then there’s the case of my boy Andrei Kirilenko, who decided to go public with his displeasure over his role in Utah’s offense.

Ummm, I hate to break it you AK, but you’re shooting a near career low 44.7% from the field and a putrid 21.7% from 3-pont land…..and you want MORE touches?

Maybe if you didn’t treat the ball like a hot potato every time you touched it your teammates and coach might have more confidence in you.

Just a thought.

Even lesser accomplished players then those two have taken it upon themselves to pipe up.

>Sarunas Jasikevicius ripped coach Rick Carlisle on his way out of Indiana for not using him right.

Pah-lease!

Saras, you shot 40.2% from the field as a Pacer and had an assist to turnover ratio of 1.93 to 1. Yet, Carlisle should have used you in the pick & roll more?

Whatever.

>Same goes for Gordan Giricek in Utah. He’s upset that coach Jerry Sloan doesn’t give him consistent minutes.

How about this Gira? When you start playing hard and giving 100% effort consistently, then you *earn* a spot in the regular rotation, but not before. OK?

>I actually like Jose Calderon, and think he’s a quality backup PG, but when he says he’s unsure of his role on the Raptors, I have to laugh.

Jose, usted es la segunda cuerda PG en Toronto.

¿Lo obtuvo?

Bueno.

>An old favorite of mine makes this list too. Marko Jaric is unhappy in Minnesota.

Hey Marko, I’m pretty sure they’re unhappy with your career low PER of 11.55 too (15 being average).

>And last but not least, there’s the case of Vassilis Spanoulis in Houston. After a decorated career on the Greek national team he came to the U.S. looking to establish himself.

So far all he’s demonstrated is that he’s a defensive liability that can’t shoot (30.9% from the field & 18.2% from three) or keep up with the speed on the NBA game.

I thought Europeans were supposed to be oh-so-much-more cultured then us? It seems to me that their basketball exports have had no problem adjusting to the petulant American athlete way of life.

- So Portland owner Paul Allen has said he plans to repurchase the Rose Garden Arena finally.

Well let me be the first to say, "Whoop-de-damn-do."

Don’t get me wrong here, this is great for the Trail Blazers overall, but I wonder what Allen’s next move is?

Part of me thinks this is just him seizing the moment when the team looks promising so he can get top dollar for the whole shebang and retire to his yacht on the Puget Sound.

The other part of me thinks this could signal a return to the free spending glory days of yore. The difference being that this time around the combination of assistant GM Kevin Pritchard (the talent evaluator or idea man) and President Steve Patterson (the smooth talker or deal closer) seems to know what they are doing. Which is a change around here, if you were wondering.

So now that Paul has plenty of young pieces in place, to go along with tons of money, and owning the arena again, is he going to…

A) Give building a winner another shot?

or

B) Cut bait, sell the franchise, and get out of Dodge?

I, for one, am waiting with baited breath for his decision.

- I see a lot of similarities between the Detroit Pistons (with the addition of Chris Webber) and the Phoenix Suns.

How can that be you say?

Well obviously they don’t play at the same pace. Phoenix is 3rd in John Hollinger’s (JH) “Pace Factor” at 98.7 possessions per game, where Detroit in dead last (30th) at 89.9. Despite the different tempos they play at (the Pistons excel in the half court while the Suns are the best in the open court), Phoenix is 1st in JH’s "Offensive Efficiency" at 111.8 points per 100 possessions and Detroit is 4th at 107.1.

The similarities don’t end there either. Both clubs rely very heavily on their top six players to carry them and are thus highly susceptible to injuries. But mainly, each squad is a nightmare to prepare for in the regular season.

Both the Suns and the Pistons can come at you from a variety of directions. Each team can run their offense through any of the five guys on the court at any time and switch it up on the fly. That’s why if the opposition only has one day (or less) to look at tape, or is playing on the second night of a back-to-back, or is coming off playing a defensive team, or is playing their fourth game in five nights, they are dead on arrival. It’s just too tough in today’s NBA to be adequately prepared for a well balanced offensive attack like these two sport.

That said, the regular season is a completely different animal then a seven game series. When their opponents have the chance to create a game plan that abuses C-Web on defense, or takes the ball out of Steve Nash’s hands, can they really stand up to the test?

I’m not so sure, which is why I’m labeling both Detroit and Phoenix “regular season teams”. Squads like Houston and Chicago may not look all that great now, but they are built for post season success. Whereas when the advantages that the Suns and Pistons enjoy on a nightly basis are taken away from them, I think you’ll see their flaws exposed.

- Over the last two seasons I’ve noticed that the Toronto Raptors play an inordinate amount of Sunday matinees. Being that I live on the West Coast, I usually end up watching them play as I eat breakfast, and I’ve come to this conclusion:

If you’re a Western Conference team you don’t want to play the Raptors on a Sunday morning.

For some reason Toronto has a certain mojo as the only team that really embraces the idea of playing regular matinees on Sundays (it must be a Canadian thang).

Anyway, if you’re a gambling man, and the Raps are playing a club from the West at 10 AM PST on a Sunday, you know what to do.

- I can’t wait for the 3-6 and 4-5 match ups in the first round of the Western Conference playoffs. Whoever ends up playing each other out of the Spurs, Jazz, Rockets and Lakers, it’s going to be awesome (barring injuries).

Speaking of which, that’s what makes the West so great this year. Arguably the six best teams (maybe Detroit makes it 6 of 7 now) in the league all reside in the West. What that means to me is that any of them can win it all with a few key injuries and some favorable match ups.

- Rhetorical question of the day: Can Shammond Williams really be that much worse then Smush Parker and Sasha Vujacic?

- Since I finally figured out how to insert internet links into clickable text last week, I’m going to leave you with some of the music I’ve been listening to lately. I promise that if you’re brave enough to give it a try, you might actually enjoy what you hear.

Stream or download, take your pick. That's why archive.org is king.

Bustle in Your Hedgerow 8/6/06

If you like Led Zeppelin, then you should check these boys out. I’m not giving any highlights, so you’ll just have to listen to Marco Benevento, Joe Russo (The Duo), Brendan Bayliss (Umphrey’s McGee) and Dave Dreiwitz (Ween) tear it up.

The Disco Biscuits 12/31/06

The Biscuits are back people, and better then ever too. I can’t stress enough just how much difference new drummer Allen Aucoin really makes with the originators of jamtronica.

If you listen to nothing else from this show, at least check out the cover of the Beastie Boys’ ‘Paul Revere’.

I’d recommend taking in the whole show, but I know that’s too much to ask of most. So maybe the ‘The Great Abyss > Spacebirdmatingcall > 42 > Spacebirdmatingcall’ is a good place to start.

For the more hardcore, the ‘Bazaar Escape > Listening to You > Helicopters > Bazaar Escape > Munchkin Invasion > Basis for a Day > Bazaar Escape > Basis for a Day’ is pure unadulterated Bisco at it's finest.

(Sidebar alert!) I love that point in all their songs where they finish the composed section, or lyrics, or whatever and then flat drop off into the jam. The crowd always goes nuts for this split second in time, even though they don’t know what’s coming next. BTW, the 23 minute ‘Spaga’ encore is pretty choice too.

Sound Tribe Sector 9 12/31/06

The books ends of the first set (‘T.W.E.L.V.E. & Instantly’) are must hear, but the second set is where the real business goes down. The run from ‘You Don’t Say’ through ‘One a Day’ is pure energy, and the closing trio of ‘Inspire Strikes Back, Aimlessly’ and the ‘Moon Socket’ encore are off the hook, yo.

String Cheese Incident 12/31/06

If you hadn’t already heard, I was there. The must hear section goes like this: ‘Miss Brown's Teahouse > Sex Machine > Miss Brown's Teahouse > Star Trek Theme > Rollover > Ziggy Stardust, Rain’.

Other highlights include the ‘¡BAM! > Rockit > ¡BAM!’ and the ‘Close Your Eyes > Rocket Man > Close Your Eyes, Desert Dawn’ in the first set.

The end of the second set isn’t too shabby either (‘Bumpin' Reel, Black Clouds’), and the encore of ‘Joyful Sound, Birdland > Wheel Hoss > Birdland > Rollover’ is worth a listen too.

Animal Liberation Orchestra 12/29/06

Overall this is an above average ALO show, but the cover of the Grateful Dead’s ‘Help on the Way > Slipknot! > Franklin’s Tower’ to open the third set comes out of nowhere and shows what these boys can really do when they feel like it.

theNEWDEAL 12/14/06

If you are in need of some late night dance music, look no further.

Casey Fired, All-Stars & Injuries

- On 1/23 the Minnesota Timberwolves fired head coach Dwane Casey and replaced him with lead assistant Randy Wittman on an interim basis. While the timing of this move is a little surprising, this change had been widely rumored ever since last summer. That’s when management (i.e. Vice President Kevin McHale) forced Casey to get rid of trusted lead assistant Johnny Davis so Wittman could step in as the ownership (i.e. Owner Glen Taylor) appointed lead assistant.

At the time Taylor assured the media, players, Casey and even Wittman himself that Randy was not being brought in as a coach-in-waiting. Well, that just goes to show you that owners are no more trustworthy then the coaches, executives and players they employ.

My question is, what exactly did Dwane do wrong?

Sure, Casey was 53-69 (a 43.4% winning percentage) during his 1 ½ season in charge, but was he really supposed to be doing that much better with those players? Apparently he was, as word leaked out afterward that Taylor had told Dwane and his staff that he felt his team was strong enough to reach the Western Conference Finals.

Huh?

The last time I checked the Wolves start Mike James, Ricky Davis and Mark Blount. A trio that is not exactly known for their defense, work ethic or how they share the ball on offense. That’s not even mentioning such non-defenders as Marko Jaric and Randy Foye playing prominent roles off the bench. In spite of having five defensive liabilities in his main rotation, Casey still managed to have Minne in the top half (15) of the league in opponent’s field goal percentage through forty games.

That’s a pure reflection on his coaching ability people.

Dwane was canned after a four game losing streak where the Wolves lost to Atlanta at home (by 17), Detroit at home in 2OT (by 6), in Phoenix (by 29, with both Kevin Garnett & Davis suspended) and in Utah (by 15).

Look at that list.

Ok, the loss to the Hawks was bad, but it came on the heels of Minne winning 10 of 13 games to get themselves up to the eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference.

The rest of those losses aren’t that bad when you factor in that KG was ejected with 5:18 to go in the 4th quarter against the Pistons, that KG and Ricky were not available at all versus the Suns and that the Jazz loss came on the second night of a back-to-back & was the Wolves third game in four days.

Again, can I ask what Casey was doing wrong? I mean, the guy was hovering around the top of my Coach of the Year ballot when he got axed for cripes sake.

I guess a case could be made that Dwane was losing his team when Davis left the bench and walked into the locker room during the 3rd quarter of the double OT loss to Detroit. But really, that’s Ricky Davis we’re talking about there. Other then that, I hadn’t read of any other player discord in Minne.

Anyway, what makes Wittman so much better that McHale and Taylor had to make the switch with 42 games still to play? In short, I’m not sure. Both coaches are defense first, no non-sense, disciplinarian type of guys.

Randy was 62-102 (a 37.8% winning percentage) in the two full seasons he ran the show in Cleveland. Some say he got a raw deal, others say his abrasive style caused him to lose the locker room. Whatever the reason, he’s 2-4 running the Wolves so far.

I don’t want to hear about them breaking Phoenix’s 17 game winning streak either. The reason I say that is because Minne shot 59% from the filed as team that night. I doubt they’ll do that even one more time this season.

Making Wittman wear the “interim” tag, when everybody and their mother knows he was hand picked for the job, is yet another indication of what a terrible organization the Wolves really are. I’m not going to run down all of McHale’s bone headed moves, but here are some of his greatest hits.

> Trading Ray Allen for Stephon Marbury on draft day 1996. (Forgot about that one, huh?) His first two draft picks could have been KG and Ray-Ray. WOW!

> KG’s six year $126 million contract extension, which indirectly caused the first work stoppage in NBA history and forced the league to institute “maximum contracts”.

> Trading Marbury for Terrell Brandon. This signaled the beginning of the end.

> The secret “arrangetment” with Joe Smith (of all people) that ended up costing the franchise three first round draft picks (was lowered from five originally). This, more then anything else, has killed KG’s career.

> Picking Ndudi Ebi at #26 in the 2003 draft with Leandro Barbosa (#28) and Josh Howard (#29) still on the board.

> Trading Sam Cassell and a first round pick for Marko Jaric.

> And last but not least, the contracts given to such luminaries as: Terrell Brandon. Rasho Nesterovic, Michael Olowokandi, Trenton Hassell, Troy Hudson, Mark Madsen, Marko Jaric, Eddie Griffin and Mike James.

Much like Ed Snider with Billy King in Philadelphia, Glen Taylor has watched Kevin McHale make mistake after mistake after mistake, but still never fires him. This is why I say Minne is a joke of a franchise. Sometimes it’s not the players or coach, but upper management and ownership that are really the problem.

- It’s All-Star time again, so of course the debate over who got snubbed is running hot and heavy at the moment. Here’s my take on all things All-Star related.

(Note: the participants in the Shooting Stars, Slam Dunk and Three-Point Shootout have yet to be named.)

I’m good with the nine man rosters for the Rookie Challenge, with one exception. On the Sophomore squad I’d replace Raymond Felton with Ryan Gomes. While Felton has been doing a fine job in Charlotte, Gomes has become a consistent threat offensively while still providing all the little things he normally does in Boston.

If you are not totally psyched for this year’s Skills Challenge, then you just don’t like the NBA. Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Steve Nash and Dwyane Wade make up the entire field. You’ve got to be kidding me with those names.

On to the main event now. I’m going to list the team as I think it should be while noting if the fans or coaches voted them in or if they should be a Commissioner’s choice as an injury replacement.

EAST – Starters

Gilbert Arenas – good job by the fans here.

Dwyane Wade – chalk another one up for the fans.

LeBron James – the fans keep it going.

Chris Bosh – and the fans go four for five in the East!

Dwight Howard – picked by the coaches, but obviously should be starting over Shaquille O’Neal (who should not even be on the team at all).

I read an interesting way to *fix* the fan voting recently. Let the people vote for whoever they want because the ballots are created before the season starts. Then, before the votes are tabulated, you remove any player from consideration that has appeared in less then half of his team’s games. Works for me.

Reserves

Jason Kidd – good job coaches.

Michael Redd – not on the team, but he should be. As are the rules, if you want someone on, someone else has to go. So see ya Vince Carter.

Caron Butler – deserved to be here, and the coaches recognized.

Jermaine O’Neal – another nice call by the coaches.

Emeka Okafor – not on the team, but is certainly more deserving then Shaq.

Chauncey Billups – as the leader of one of the better clubs in the East, he deserved it, and the coaches gave it to him.

Joe Johnson – he gets penalized for being on a bad team, but I’d like to see if Richard Hamilton could shoot 48.3% from the floor as the #1 scoring option on the Hawks. I doubt very seriously that Rip could, which is why he gets the boot.

WEST – Starters

Steve Nash – the coaches voted him in, but there’s no way he shouldn’t be starting. Stupid fans.

Kobe Bryant – the fans did their job here.

Kevin Garnett – nicely done fans.

Dirk Nowitzki – probably should have been voted in ahead of KG, but I’m not going to be too hard on the fans here. Look for coach Mike D’Antoni to name Dirk a starter over his own player (Nash) as Yao’s replacement.

Tim Duncan – voted in by the fans, and deservedly so. Should have no problem sliding over to center on the All-Star team since he plays there most of the time anyway.

Reserves

Tony Parker – Mr. Longoria got the nod from the coaches, and just ekes out the spot over Deron Williams for me.

Tracy McGrady – voted a starter by the fans, but certainly deserves a spot on the team.

Shawn Marion – the coaches understand his value.

Elton Brand – I guess he’s too steady and unspectacular for even the coaches to vote for. He’s my injury replacement for Carlos Boozer.

Marcus Camby – My injury replacement for Yao Ming. Are you paying attention here David Stern?

(For the record, both Yao & Booz should have been on the team in my opinion. So the fans and coaches did their respective jobs here too.)

Josh Howard – How the coaches voted for Allen Iverson over Josh I’ll never know. Just look at Dallas’ record compared to Denver’s. ‘Nuff said. So long AI.

Amare Stoudemire – the feel good story of the season has been quietly rounding into form all while putting up great numbers. There’s no way the coaches wanted to possibly piss him off by leaving him off their ballot.

So there you have it. My apologies to Ray Allen, Deron Williams & Memo Okur in the West and Eddy Curry in the East, but there just wasn’t enough space for everyone.

And no, Carmelo Anthony shouldn’t be on the team as I see it. My rationale being he cost his club too many wins while he was suspended, and I’m not about to reward him with his first All-Star berth for that.

- I’m sure many of you out there have to be wondering why I spend so much time reporting on injuries. Well, first off, I’m not one of those people that refuses to use injuries as an excuse. Why? Because injuries are one of the only legitimate excuses out there in my opinion. If you lose an important player, and don’t have the depth to replace him, your team isn’t going to be as good. It’s not rocket surgery or brain science.

That said, here’s another round of star players that are set to miss significant time as we motor on into the second half of the season.

1. Carlos Boozer (1/27 hairline fracture in the head of his left fibula, out 4-5 weeks)
Make no mistake about it, this is a major blow to the Jazz. Not only was Booz leading Utah scoring (22.1 ppg), rebounding (11.8 rpg) and shooting (56.9%), but he is their only consistent low post scoring threat as well.

It will be up to Memo Okur to establish a low post presence for the Jazz now. Can he? Yes, but Okur likes to hang out on the perimeter more then he likes to bang down low. Andrei Kirilenko is also going to have to step up his game both on the boards and by putting the ball in the basket. Can he? Honestly, I’m not sure anymore. It’s put-up-or-shut-up time for AK-47 now. Additionally, look for Paul Millsap to make his push for Rookie of the Year with all the extra minutes he'll gets in Boozer’s absence.

Utah will need a lot to go right if they are going to maintain the fourth best record overall while Carlos is out. The most likely scenario I see is that the Jazz stay comfortably ahead in the Northwest Division (which nets them the 4th seed in the playoffs), but fall to the sixth best record in the West, hence costing them home court in the first round.

2. Antawn Jamison (1/30 sprained left knee, out 3-6 weeks)
Another devastating blow to a club. There is just no replacing all that Tawn brings to the table for the Wizards. Jamison is second on Washington in both rebounding (7.9 rpg) & 3-point shooting (39.6%) as well as being third in scoring (19.3 ppg), steals (1.2 spg) and blocks (.66 bpg) alike.

The return of Darius Songaila should help some, but the Wiz are bound to slip a few notches in the East, and maybe even lose the Southeast Division lead. Unless, of course, Gilbert Arenas really does prove to be the MVP that some are touting him as.

If Washington goes into a serious tailspin while Tawn is out, the GA for MVP talk better come to quick halt. Because if Kobe Bryant can keep the Lakers afloat without Lamar Odom for six weeks, GA should be able to do the same. Right?

3. Richard Jefferson (1/22 right ankle surgery, out up to 2 months)
RJ probably should have opted for this surgery much earlier since he had really been hurting since day one of this season. If he had done that, he’d probably be back in the groove and 100% healthy by now.

That said, the Nets were a very up & down team before he went under the knife, and now it’s just more of the same with less margin for error. For New Jersey to win consistently right now they’ll need Vince Carter and Jason Kidd to play GREAT every single night. And Since that is rather unlikely, my suggestion to coach Lawrence Frank is to slow down the tempo and focus on playing defense. That’s right, I’m actually advocating playing ugly. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.

4. Grant Hill (1/31 sprained MCL right knee, out 2-3 weeks)
Trevor Ariza (1/10 sprained MCL right knee, out 6-8 weeks)
First off, the difference in their injuries is that Hill’s is a grade one sprain, while Ariza’s is a grade two. Trevor has always been a quality defender, but his offense/confidence was really starting to flourish before he got hurt. Why Larry Brown thought Ariza couldn’t play is beyond me. The kid is super athletic, long and plays the game the right way to my eyes.

Anyway, losing Grant for any period of time is tough on the Magic. Hill is without question their veteran leader and calming influence on the court. Grant is also the guy Orlando runs their offense through when they need a bucket down the stretch (he’ll either make the pass that leads to a score or take the shot himself).

It will be up to Jameer Nelson to step into the leadership role, but I don’t see a real go-to-guy anywhere else on their roster. Nelson is not someone that can create his shot at will, Hedo Turkoglu is not a pressure player and Dwight Howard is just not there yet. It’s going to be especially tough on the Magic because their defensive style dictates that they will play a lot of close games. I’m sure this experience will be good for such a young squad in the long run though. Heck, it might even build some character.

5. Kurt Thomas (1/15 partially torn ulnar collateral ligament in his left elbow, out 4-6 weeks)
Yeah, the Suns have really missed Thomas, going 8-1 since he got hurt. This is more of a big picture injury though. What I mean by that is coach Mike D’Antoni only played eight guys regular minutes before Kurt went down. (Why he does that, I haven’t a clue?) So when Thomas started missing games, rather then plugging someone into his minutes, D’Antoni just shortened his rotation to seven instead.

To me this seems very short sighted and borderline idiotic. Phoenix is good, everyone knows that, so why place such a heavy burden on the top six guys (sorry James Jones)? What would playing nine to ten guys cost them, like 3-4 games in the standings maybe? They’d still be running away with the Pacific Division.

(This has nothing to with an injury, but I have to get it off my chest. People love to say how the Suns were a Raja Bell injury away from playing in the Finals last year. Oh yeah? I seem to remember that *with* a healthy Bell they almost lost to the Lakers in round one, and should have lost to the Clippers in round two. I’m just saying, the “what if” game works both ways Phoenix fans.)

Anyway, the Suns are going to need Kurt’s defense, toughness and rebounding come playoff time. They might spin it that they don’t, but trust me, when the games slow down Thomas will be very valuable.

6. Jason Richardson (12/30 broken right hand, out up to 2 months)
J-Rich is hoping to be back in action after the All-Star break on 2/21 when Golden State hosts Memphis. His return will make the Warriors an even more dangerous offensive club. The thing about that is, how much more scoring do they really need?

In the 15 games Jason has missed GS has averaged 105 points per game. So what, his return bumps that up to 110 if they’re lucky? If Richardson were the leader of their defense, that would be one thing, but he’s not. The Warriors give up 107.2 ppg right now (worst in the NBA), so all J-Rich’s arrival does is create a large chemistry problem at the swing positions. Coach Don Nelson might be creative, but keeping Jason, Monta Ellis, Stephen Jackson, Mickael Pietrus and Matt Barnes all satisfied is not going to happen.

Midgets Can See Ghosts

spoday's 3rd musing

I forgot the most important part of being a ghost, short of sliming Bill Murray, are the announcements. In order to pull off such a feat the mailers have to go to the USPS: "I am a ghost!! Boo!" So, I failed. Hey, maybe I was trying to make a point. Was I? I don't know, sounds too sophisticated; ok sounds wrong to use sophisticated, how bout thoughtful, no not it either, let's go with aware. Wait, this is suddenly turning into an episode of Dr. Phil and we all know how that ends: sitting in utter confusion wondering how morons get their own TV show. Fucking ghosts are so indecisive and who really cares about their feelings.

I am not a ghost, true.

I don't think ghosts can type.

But, as a kid, I was watching some television with my sister Carol Anne and she tuned me in to a new channel. It was odd because after I discovered this channel Carol Anne was incessant upon viewing; they were all the same thereafter for her. No matter what I turned to it was all the same, and fucking Carol Anne became a total pain in the ass to watch tube with. I mean it really didn't matter if Mind of Mencia or Colors with Penn and Duvall (a cinematic achievement) was on, she'd just repeat over and over again; "They're here", with a quixotic look upon her face.

My initial response, being the older brother, was always yes they are Carol Anne but they cut the grass. I see now how this was flawed. It took some time and growth and many more of these conversations to overcome her fears. There was always an easy answer whether it was, you like tacos don't you or, ok I really never got further than he cuts our lawn and they created tacos.

It was enough to appease her.

It was almost fun.

A total sense of accomplishment knowing that my little sister could move on from ghosts in the TV and I could be a guiding factor in her socialization. Wow, after typing that, it was more powerful than I thought. Anyway, if I accomplished nothing in life, I could rest on the laurels that I set Carol Anne on a solid path, basically adulthood, where there are no ghosts in the TV or bogeymen in your closet.

And, I was content.

Years after those young days of childhood naiveté I went to see my younger, beautiful, successful, Carol Anne, a professional no less, a slayer of ghosts and bogeyman alike. We clicked on the TV, the news. They said Joe Biden's running for president. I saw a look I had dreaded for a lot of my life and there was no need for explanation:

"THEY'RE BACK!"

(Written while hiding under my bed)


-presents for all-